24.08.06 Morning Thoughts

I'd thought sleep might do it. And for a moment, as I woke up, I thought sleep had swept it all away. But then, as I slowly grew into my awaken self and found back my senses, I knew it had not gone away just like that : this awful feeling of being worth nothing, of being surrounded by nothing, of walking aimlessly, towards nothing, and then, the few awkward words I'd spoken, yes, it was all still in there : I could feel it, I could remember it all.

I went looking for some soothing words. And a few sentences came back to me. "Go with the flow" it whispered. And that song, I am enough for myself, I don't need anything else. Yes : resignation. I will resign myself to taking what goods life has to offer me, and wish nothing more. For if I go looking for things, if I wait for them, desperately expect them, then, they will not come.

In the meantime, I can always take a shower. Fix my hair (but it is a mess, all the curl in it has gone). In the meantime, I can work it away : do some ironing, make my bed. I know I won't be wearing long skirts or dance. I know I won't be free (at least : not in the near future, it does not seem possible at all). But I can do something, create a diversion, and, who knows, something might come, after all.