Canalblog
Editer l'article Suivre ce blog Administration + Créer mon blog
Publicité
The Grotto
Albums Photos
Derniers commentaires
17 janvier 2007

We've just been...Eté 2006

We've just been to the supermarket. There are so many bottles of fruit juice. I like the pear juice. We took one bottle of it. I went looking for interesting people to look at. I should drop that silly habit. Skinny girls do not have a big halo. They just have bones. What's so special about bones ? I really should start watching the news. Next year, it's going to change. I'll be surrounded by friends. I'll be more confident, more comfortable with being myself. I miss them.

I want HER to leave me alone. I don't want her to take me into her arms EVER AGAIN. I want to leave her, if not forever, for a very long time. She just can't do what she's doing. I don't want to complain or cry over myself, but she's treated me like dirt. She loves me. She wants to help. But I won't let her play with me like that. Invisible threads. She's got power over me. I was this close to end it all. I thought I'd die. Of course, I didn't. But I've never felt so lonely, so abandoned. She's reducing me, she's crushing my world, denying the fact that I DO have a life. When I'm back, she'll see how shining and serene, how generous and balanced I can be. I do not upset the girls who are in trouble. I do not abuse my power (maybe that's cuz I don't have any).

In the car, I decided I would not have a boyfriend – ever. That's not really a decision, it's more like a fact. But still. There will be people around me, kissing and holding hands. But I'll stand alone, with a serene smile on my face. The way I picture a buddhist nun would smile.

What's that new obsession with nuns ? I wonder.
I read that book and it moved me but I didn't like the girl's attitude. The fact that she broke up her relationship with her Japanese boyfriend (what was wrong with that ? Just to celebrate celibacy, one should sacrifice a human, natural, simple present from life ?). I didn't like the fact that she shaved her head. It tends to turn my stomach upside down, when girls shave their head. Especially when they have long hair before they do it.
But I guess they're not attached to hair the way I am. Hair's just hair. I don't understand why, to me, this is different.

I should try to get detached from the hair&bones stuf, from my physical appearance, basically, because if I go searching for it it will not come. I should step out, enjoy the view and smile – a serene smile. I'm sure the rest will come.

Publicité
Commentaires
The Grotto
Publicité
Archives
Publicité